DAY 40: Give up excessive compliments to BIPOC about being “polished”, “articulate”, etc.
How can a compliment be racist? Well, everything has a context and when living in a culture that holds whiteness and oppression of people of colour as a measuring stick, what seems like a compliment is not exempt from that context.
What is really valuable to understand is that if you are interested in not causing harm, you will try your best to hear from others, particularly, people of colour, when they share with you the harm and other impacts they are experiencing.
Here is something to know about comments like, “You are so articulate”. Such places the white-identified person as the arbiter of what is articulate. It can be received as judgments that can impact how a person sees themself and evaluates their worth.
If you care about how you are received and want to share your own positive feelings about something said or done, here is a tip.
Speak from your own perspective. Share what moved, inspired, stimulated you. You are so articulate’, talks about the other person. You have been the one impacted so instead, you can say something about you. For example, ‘The way that you shared X, helped me to understand it in a new way. Thank you.”
In this example, the only experience being described is yours and you are sharing feedback or praise that is specific enough that the person can resonate with that experience. It is detailed enough for them to remember.
TIP: We invite you to be specific and speak from your own perspective to avoid ‘stepping into it’ with compliments that can land as judgements and can be disconnecting at a time when you are wanting to create connection.
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